It Didn’t Happen

This last week was suppose to include Brother having a therapeutic meeting with the dad. It would have been the first time they had seen each other in over a year. It was Brother’s idea, and his therapist was supporting it.

The week leading up to the visit, Brother became extremely depressed- sleeping most of the days and nights away. The morning of the visit, he began to panic. He went to what we call “the upside down”, which includes a catatonic stare and shaking uncontrollably. He went into this state on and off throughout the day.

The visit didn’t happen.

We will keep working on building Brother up to a point where he can face unpleasant things and work through them. He is not there yet. He still needs a lot of support in social-emotional areas.

It took about 24 hours after the missed visit, for Brother to get back to his normal state.

Though we are removed from the daily turmoil of various abuses, the memories don’t go away. They are triggered back to the surface with experiences that are meant only to build tolerance and resilience. I am wondering if we don’t have our limits of tolerance and resilience….if the unpleasant or hurtful experiences go beyond our capacity of resilience….do we not break?


9 thoughts on “It Didn’t Happen

  1. “I am wondering if we don’t have our limits of tolerance and resilience….if the unpleasant or hurtful experiences go beyond our capacity of resilience….do we not break?” — yes, I think so.

    My PTSD was diagnosed in 2003 by Paul Meier, MD, a Christian psychiatrist, founder of the Meier New Life clinics and author or co-author of over 100 books, many of which have been bestsellers. After several days of psychiatric and physical tests, and multiple face to face interviews, Dr. Meier told me that I have Post Traumatic Stress Disorder. Then he told me that, although PTSD is classified as a mental illness for insurance purposes, in reality, having a PTSD reaction to overwhelming trauma is 100% normal.

    “God is love and we were made in His image,” Dr. Meier said. “This means that God created us for love, to love and to be loved. We were not created for hate and abuse. Just as your skin wasn’t created to withstand the sharp blade of a knife, your heart and your mind weren’t created to withstand hate, trauma, and abuse. If someone cuts your skin with a knife, you are going to bleed. You will have an injury. But having that injury does not mean that you were born defective or weak in any way. It is normal to bleed if you are cut with a knife, and it is no less normal to have a PTSD reaction to extreme trauma and abuse. Having PTSD, after all of the trauma that you have lived through, is nothing but normal. It doesn’t mean you are mentally ill. It doesn’t mean that you are crazy. On the contrary, you are incredibly strong, to have survived as much as you have and still be able to function on the level that you do! Even the strongest person in the world will bleed if you cut him with a knife. And even the strongest person in the world will have Post Traumatic Stress Disorder if he, or she, experiences enough trauma.”

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  2. I’m proud of brother for showing the signs he really wasn’t ready. He’s been so traumatize it may take a very long time. The dad may not be able to swallow the kids don’e want to see him and go,back to old tricks, don’t think they will work for him anymore. His,mask came off and now the system knows him for what,he is.

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    1. It had surprised me that Brother thought he was ready in the first place. I suspect that the dad was threatening the therapists with legal action, and manipulating to push for visits before Brother was really ready. If visits haven’t started by July, we face court again. While it doesn’t frighten me exactly, it does add a level of stress that is unnecessary, which interferes with any progress that the kids make toward having at least a somewhat healthy relationship with their dad.

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      1. shit, I didn’t understand what was at stake. Court again and all that bullshit. We’ll pray the people helping brother are strong enough to stand before the Judge and tell how unfit he is. No child or teen should be forced to see a parent. Brother is old enough to speak up. Have a great day. 🙂

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      2. Court doesn’t scare me at this point- it is just all the time, money, and energy it takes. I am trying- working with therapists. The dad is already six months behind on the minimal child support he agreed to, and five months behind his portion of medical costs. I don’t expect he will ever accept his full financial responsibility…which is why court doesn’t scare me.

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