As I write this, Brother is at a supervised visit with the dad. I have two hours to hang out somewhere before I pick Brother up to go home. Our visit center is about an hour away from our home, so the visits take some time.
At the first visit, the dad wondered why Little AoA wasn’t there. He hadn’t checked in with her therapist, or responded to anything I sent him for the past year, regarding her health or needs.
Since visits have started again, I feel the anxiety rise. I don’t feel safe. I wake up on visit mornings, wondering if this will be the day that he shoots me at the visit center, or runs me off the road on the long drive back to our town.
I try my best to stay calm on the outside, as Brother is with me. He breaks in stress and chaos. It has been six years since the marriage break up, and still the threats haunt me. I have minimal contact with him, but even in that he is very cryptic. He uses his attorney to communicate with me, mostly about things that were already settled.
The glimmer of hope I once had that the dad would step up and be supportive of the kids, has faded into darkness. He is a sociopath….I am accepting what that means for the kids. I can’t fix it…
If you have ever had your life threatened, you can imagine the fear. Staying vigilante and fighting the anxiety can take its toll. I am thankful that the visits are every two weeks, and that there is time to catch my breath in between them.