Empath Problems

I have known that my 13 year old son (Brother) was an empath of sorts, for a long time. He does live with mental illness, along the spectrum of schizophrenia with an abnormally high IQ. He just engaged me in a conversation of circular reasoning- it was not fun. He accused me of “lying” because I say things are ok sometimes, when my body language and nonverbal communication says otherwise. We went around about how adults sometimes try to protect their kids from adult feelings of hurt, and that it is not really an outright lie to not discuss our feelings and private thoughts.

A bit later, I let him know that I was human. I have fear and past trauma that creeps into my mind. I fight it off. I get up and go to work, even on days when I just want to cover my head and escape the world. He knows of much of the trauma, because he experienced it too. He knows his dad has threatened to kill me and my parents. The 13 year old reasoning is that the threat is no longer valid if the location changes.

If Brother wanted to spend more time with his dad, or communicate more with him, I would not stand in the way.

I wish the dad understood and accepted this. Unfortunately, I am the target of the dad’s hatred, and it is stronger than his love for the kids. I remember having feelings in the past….wishing he would just attack me and get it over with.

I fight to stay out of that place. I continue in my vigilance…

~AoA

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