A Little Weird: The Teen Years

No longer a child, not yet an adult…. Longing to fit in somewhere, anywhere….other teens seem so confident, and beautiful….talking and laughing together, about nothing….How do I make myself fit into this mold?….I sit alone at lunch, usually in the library…..Reading about human behavior, and trying to figure it out…..Where do I fit?….

I am a band kid, playing multiple instruments…..still, I don’t fit with them….the teacher says I don’t have enough soul in my music…..I am not good enough….

I know some teens who hang out by the bleachers and smoke….”bleacher creatures” they are called….I tried smoking…..thought it would make me fit in…..it didn’t…..

Finally a psychology class…..something that interests me…..our first activity is to draw a random name…..and write a couple words that state our first impression….I listened….cute, nice, athletic, smart…..then came mine…..”fat and homely”….I cry…..I leave the classroom……that night, I find some pills…..if that is all that others see in me, why am I here?

I didn’t want to die…..I just didn’t want to feel…..what have I done?…..am I going to die this night?….my stepdad finds out what I did….”tell me next time, and I’ll make sure you do it right”…..that was what he said…..why am I even here?…..

I’ll show them all……I set out to find my place in the world….to be continued….

~AoA