Teacher Anxiety Increasing

The teacher anxiety is real. This week, it finally got to me. I have been sucking it up to, “mask up and go in”, as we are told to do. I travel to different schools, and see about ten kids in person a week. The rest of my students are remote. Of the ten in person, only two wear a mask. I try to always wear one in schools, unless I am alone in a big room.

To start my week, I was asked to stop communicating with a worried parent. The parent had been threatened by the school system, with threat of court, fines, and DCS intervention. Without going into detail, I felt very strongly about this, and with the way our county has handled the opening of our schools. I needed to just keep my fingers silent.

This week, it got to me. I was in a hallway at a middle school at the time the students were going to their first class. The hall completely flooded with hundreds of unmasked teens! I couldn’t hardly believe it! I could barely catch my breath.

The next day, before I even got out of bed, I got a notice from a coworker. She was home with Covid-19. This coworker does not see many kids, and is in multiple schools (like me). That hit me hard, and I had what I can only think was a panic attack. I called in and didn’t go to work. I did not feel better the next day, but I sucked it up and went in. I let my boss know, because I had to check a box on the daily covid screening. I never heard back from my boss, so I just kept going. I called my doctor, only to learn that no one was available to see me for the remainder of the week.

The next day, I arrived at work to learn that one of my dearest work friends had been in an accident, and was being taken to the hospital. Thankfully, she was checked out and sent home…her car was a complete loss. Our lives can change in a matter of seconds!

With stress coming over my entire body, I reached out to my old doctor’s office, and pretty much begged to be fit in somewhere. I was able to get in, and had a heart event ruled out. I had my anxiety regimen adjusted, and now I just wait for relief.

I have talked with coworkers, and I know I am not alone in my increasing anxiety. Teachers are breaking under the weight they are carrying. They are meeting together to vent and cry. Our county and school board has not protected teachers or students in a proactive manner. They are completely reactive, closing classes, grade levels, and schools; as teachers and students test positive.

There is nothing any of us can do. We are public servants….we have no voice. We watch silently, hoping that we don’t lose a coworker, a family member, or a student. We watch as students do all the things that the cdc warns us against doing. They are not physically distanced, there are no masks, and they are crowded together in large groups. They are children. It wasn’t time to let our guards down. It was the jobs of our county government and school board to keep us all safe. I feel like their actions clearly communicate that school employees and students are not worth keeping safe. There had to be a better and safer way to meet the needs of the children in our county.


Missing That Vacation

This week we celebrated Little AoA’s 12th birthday! We have really been mourning the freedom and safety of taking little vacations. We decided to take a day, and visit Nashville! We planned very carefully, going to places before the crowds would be there. We started at the newest Dolly Parton mural, created during the protesting this past summer.

Next, we headed to the Grand Ole Opry. They won’t start having in-person audiences until October. We enjoyed going to the gift shop, where Little AoA got to pick out some great shirts, holiday ornaments, magnets, postcards, and a Dolly Parton poster!

Finally, we headed to a wax museum.

Johnny Cash has a mask on!
Loretta Lynn
Reba is a new favorite!

It was a really fun day! We still mourn our overnight trips, but days like this will help.

To be honest, Nashville felt a little more safe than our little “mask free” town right now. The crowds weren’t out, which made it feel fairly safe. We may just plan another day of mural hunting!


Pandemic Anxiety and the birthday cake

One of our main high schools had to close for a 14 day quarantine. Each day, our county updates on which schools have had to send students home to quarantine. No one seems to connect the fact that if students were exposed here, there is a good chance that siblings at other schools are at risk too. It does seem like our county is trying to keep the kids safe. I can’t say the same for teachers. I don’t see a lot of kids in person, but in middle and high schools, the kids change classes every hour. Teachers might have 5 or 6 classes of 20 each day, or more. The students are “encouraged” to wear face coverings, but most don’t. This week, teachers were told to pick a spot in the room, as far from the kids as possible, to teach from.

Now for the anxiety situation….my teen child was sick this week. Of course, everything is a covid symptom. We went to the doctor and ruled out strep and flu. The doctor did a covid test, and the wait was started. As we waited the next three days for the result, my anxiety grew. What if it was covid? What if others in our home got it? What if I carried it to work and spread it in a school? I didn’t go anywhere other than my “essential employee” job as a teacher. I had nightmares every night, and a nervous stomach. When I got the call that the test was negative, I could finally breathe a sigh of relief! It is this way every time someone in my home gets sick. I really hope that a decent quick test is developed soon, if it is even being worked on.

Now for a bright spot…..

Little AoA’s birthday is this month! She loves birthdays! She settled on a country music/Dolly Parton theme. I set out to find someone to make a cake. I turned to Facebook.

The first response cracked me up.

No worries! I found someone to make the cake!

We just love Dolly! We really want to start taking regular trips to Dollywood, which is about a four hour drive from where we live. Now is probably not a good time. In the meantime, we are planning a short day trip to Nashville, to seek out the Dolly Parton Black Lives Matter mural. We may just go “mural hunting”!

Dreaming of Dollywood….and Gatlinburg….


The Ripple

Schools have been open in my county for a full month now. I don’t think parents or other stakeholders really thought in advance, what that would look like in this pandemic. Many people where I live, still think it’s a “hoax”, and only the “scared” should wear face coverings. So no one is required to wear face coverings at school. There is not enough space for “social distancing”, and even when there is, kids natural instinct is to be right on top of each other. Middle and high schools are changing classes throughout the day.

Administrators are spending unreal amounts of time contact tracing, trying to keep everyone in the buildings safe, while disrupting as little as possible. In the schools where I teach, there are whole classes quarantining at home, whole grade levels, and even one whole school! Two days ago, my 14 year old granddaughter was sent home to quarantine, after someone on her volleyball team tested positive. This impacts more than just the student! My daughter, who is a nurse at a local nursing home, was sent home from work for at least 10 days, since her daughter was exposed. Every patient that my daughter had come in contact with, now has to be tested. My granddaughter was showing symptoms, so she was tested. We are awaiting those results.

This ripple does not seem to be understood by many. Even if the “I have freedom” citizens who refuse to use face coverings, flaunt that freedom, someone is paying for it! Our state decided to create “new math” to make our active case numbers lower. Now, it looks like we are really beating this, when in reality, it is getting worse!

Believe me when I say that we all want to resume life as it was before this virus hit our shores! We have been given guidance from top experts! This is not the flu….

Stay safe!


The Little Things

Little AoA found joy this weekend in a Walmart. We knew that there was a new line of greeting cards featuring our favorite, Dolly Parton. We looked for them every time we went to the store, and finally, we found them! It was a little treasure in these challenging times. I’ll take it!

Our schools are still in chaos. We now have one entire school being quarantined for 14 days. Unfortunately, the information is being kept quiet for as long as possible. One of my teacher friends showed up at the closed school this morning to deliver services to her students. She said the parking lot was empty, and she thought she’d missed the rapture! By the end of the day, it was being realized that perhaps more people in the community and school system need to be made aware when schools, grade levels, or individual classes are quarantined.

Social distancing doesn’t work too well when working with elementary age kids. They are not able to do it in their classrooms or the hallways, so it is just an abstract idea. It is hard enough for adults, but we have put far too much on the kids, expecting that they have the developmental ability to adhere to cdc guidelines for an entire day at school. They may be able to do it for the length of time of a shopping trip, but that is vastly different than all day in an enclosed room with 20 other kids.

One of our school administrators was on a national news program this weekend. They were interviewing teachers and administrators from various parts of the country. They were all communicating concern for the well-being of students, families, and community….except for the one representing Tennessee. “We can’t live in fear.” The interviewer asked about the risk of kids taking Covid home to parents and grandparents. “The kids are always going to take illnesses home.” was the response. My mom was watching with me, and the look on her face was very sad. I depend on the person who spoke, to respect policies enough to follow them in order to keep us as safe as possible. My trust for this person was affected to say the least.

To top off the surprises, our county is having the county fair next week! Masks are optional. Do you know where masks aren’t optional? In the counties around us with declining Covid rates!

I know I am feeling the pandemic fatigue as much as everyone. I don’t like wearing a mask everywhere. I feel like I’m in a Dystopian novel! I want to eat in restaurants, go to theme parks, attend church in person, go to a movie theater or a concert…. but like so many, I chose to be part of the solution. I wanted the spread to end quickly, but instead, it dragged on and on while people argued about the legitimacy of this virus. Our state has now moved into the 10th spot in the country for number of cases. Kids aren’t staying in school without interruptions to quarantine. I feel like a broken record. We are no longer “in this together”. One thing I am glad about, and that is that businesses have taken it upon themselves to uphold safety measures when our leaders did not, for whatever reason.

Come on down to the fair! Mask not required!


Mass Confusion and Frequent Pivoting

Here in my county in Tennessee, we have just completed two weeks of school with kids in person. Our state seems to be in complete denial that the pandemic is serious. Our state sat at 17th most cases in the country not so long ago. The cases have not been decreasing here, and we have now made our way to the number ten spot in the number of cases. I watched our school board meeting this week, as they talked about “how well” things are going. Our schools opened in person for anyone who chose it. Those who preferred, could choose remote learning. There is no mask mandate, everyone is “trusted” to honestly answer the covid questions each day as they decide whether to send their kids to school. Teachers were declared “essential”, and must come to work even after exposed to Covid-19 as long as there are no symptoms. Classrooms are full, with very little room for social distancing in many classes. Our PPE kits from the state have still not arrived.

Now for the two week update…. Tonight we learned that one elementary school will be closed for two weeks for quarantine after mass exposure.One school has sent home all third grade classes to quarantine, a kindergarten class was sent home for two weeks, and in one day at my home base school 21 contact trace letters were sent out to students. Everyone was so anxious to get back to “normal”, that they didn’t think through the reality of contact tracing and quarantine in schools. Everyone had to be ready to pivot at a moment’s notice. I’m not sure that’s much better than having to adjust and arrange childcare for a longer term.

Our county fair is scheduled for the first week of September. My family won’t be participating, but then again, we rarely went anyway. It will be just fantastic dealing with the effects of that! There are rumors floating around that our district will be all remote very soon. Schools are in a panic trying to scrape up enough chrome books for the kids who will need them for access to instruction. The bottom line is, there are not enough.


Let’s Do This!

Teachers in my county became “essential workers” last week. I learned today, that someone I was in a room with on Thursday, was actually contact traced or had a loved one at home with Covid. He was at work because that is what we were told to do. Luckily, we were both wearing masks, and we weren’t really interacting. I was in the room where he was doing paperwork. I was digging through file cabinets looking for a file. I have got to keep my guard up!

I start seeing my students in person tomorrow. I am excited to start seeing them again. We will be checking out all of the ins and outs of google classroom, and making sure the kids can get into everything. I am looking forward to playing some chess with my students, telling stories, and trying some trivia. One thing I love doing with kids, is genius hour/passion projects. I usually pick a passion project for myself right along with the kids. I have started trying out some new crafts. I want to learn to make a friendship bracelet design with heart shapes woven in. I started learning it, and got frustrated. I then got really discouraged when the instructions said it could take 3 hours! I found another pattern that said it took 20 minutes, so I might just back up and start with that one. This could be something that my students might enjoy too. I am always amazed to see the kids that seem to have natural abilities to do new things. Some always end up like me….frustrated.

I hope your week gets off to a good start!


Three Weeks

Teachers have been back to work for three weeks now. The students have been back for one week. There have been 16 positive Covid cases in the schools so far, all adults. I had my own Covid crash this week. One of my work friends spiked a high fever on Monday night. I had been in close proximity to her quite a few times. The next day, I started getting a sore throat and headache. Taking no chances, I went to get tested during my lunch time. The next day, my eyelids were so swollen, I could barely open my eyes. I stayed home that day. The next day, I took some allergy medication, and went to work. By noon, I got a call from my administrator. She told me that I needed to stay home for 10 days since I had symptoms, OR I needed to bring in proof of a negative covid test and an alternate diagnosis. I went home for the rest of the day. The next morning, I received my negative test result. I had to take a little trip to the doctor for a note. They were shocked that my employer was requiring an alternate diagnosis. They said it was a violation of hippa. They gave me what I needed, but they didn’t really have an alternate diagnosis, so they just printed off my after visit summary that said,” Virus”. I turned in my letters and went back to work.

Masks provided to teachers by the state

I’m not sure what I will do if I start getting sick again. It seems like pretty much any illness can present Covid symptoms. How many people just keep on working with a sore throat? I usually work through most illnesses. I don’t like staying home from work unless I have a fever.

I had to laugh when I first saw a fellow teacher in my county, share a picture of the mask that was provided by the state. It doesn’t look like any mask I have seen. It kind of looks like something from a sock factory. We are still waiting for our “kits” from the state. Even with the lovely masks, I just learned that the teacher in the room next to me, refuses to wear a mask. I had noticed, but kept my thoughts to myself. Our classrooms are at half to three fourths capacity, and less than half of the students wear masks.

This week, our county mayor referred to the pandemic as fake. Some of us are wondering why he continues to do a Facebook live daily update on the pandemic if it is fake.

Our mayor also used his platform to post a racist meme, which was very distasteful. he defended it as “just a joke”, and put down anyone who said otherwise. I am sad to say that my town seems to be full of racists. I was married to one of them. I don’t feel like our mayor is serving ALL of the people of our county. I have never thought much about public officials, but this crisis has brought them into the light.

This is the decision tree that our schools are using. The only change has been that on the green side, we are to report to work as long as we don’t have symptoms. I can say, it definitely doesn’t feel right having to report symptoms, doctor visits, and Covid testing, to others. I personally think the schools should have put most of the students into remote learning to start the year. I think there needed to be a better plan in place for testing in the schools. In the university where my sister works, they have required all students to have a covid test before coming to campus for the fall. They were establishing a baseline- found almost one percent of students were positive.

On a happy note, Little AoA is a HUGE Dolly Parton fan. She found a sweet little quilt, and made one of her dolls a “Dolly” with a coat of many colors. We anxiously await the day that we can finally take a trip to Dollywood!

This next week, I will start seeing my students! I am really looking forward to getting into a routine with them. I am getting through my practice curriculum on google classroom. I suspect I may be making it harder than it should be. Luckily, my students won’t hesitate to give me honest feedback.


Mask Up And Go In!

Today was our first day of school with kids. It went very smoothly at my school, mostly because our administrators are logistics superstars! Classes on my side of the building, with 5th and 6th grade, were at a little less than half capacity. The kids were mostly not wearing masks in the classroom, and neither were some teachers. Everyone was encouraged to wear them in the hallways, but they weren’t required to.

The big kicker was tonight…I was checking on one of my dear work friends to see how her day went. She went home and spiked a fever of 103! now I can panic! I have been around my friend plenty over the last two weeks! I always had my mask on and stayed a good distance from her. Still, this is a bit too close! She is going to get tested tomorrow. My AoA teen is insisting that I get tested tomorrow as well. The AoA kids biggest fear is that I will die while they are under 18, and they would be sent to their abuser of ten years. This fear is disabling my teen.

To add the cherry on top, today our county teachers were declared “essential workers”, which means that we now must mask up and go to work, even if we have been exposed! We are only to take a quarantine if we have symptoms. This is not going to end well, I’m afraid.

I learned this week, that our county mayor, the one who is minimizing the pandemic and refusing to encourage masks; actually sends his kids to a very small private school. They are appropriately distanced in their small classes. I was blown away at my public middle school today, seeing a room packed full of big 8th grade students! Tell me it will all just go away!



I went to my classroom one last time today, to get ready for Monday, the first day for kids. I couldn’t resist taking this picture of the items given to each teacher, by our school. The cleaner is some sort of “natural cleaner” from a local company. One face shield and one mask, along with a roll of paper towels, makes up my Covid protection! There is no Lysol to be found in our county, unless you just happen to be in a store the first 30 minutes within the time they shelve a new shipment.

We were given further instruction today, after one school in our county couldn’t open Monday (too many teachers with Covid or in quarantine due to exposure). We must wipe down the copy machines before using them, and wash our hands afterward. Teachers are not to eat lunch together in the teacher lounges. There is no mask mandate, and even teachers are divided over the seriousness of this virus.

This picture has circulated around social media, along with a very sad narrative about how school will be. Another teacher did a similar post, only changed her narrative to a more positive tone. The truth is, this is the protective equipment we will wear. I am still not sure how I feel about teaching little kids in this gear. I think we will all get use to it pretty quickly, but it looks surreal….dystopian…

The scenario reminds me of this show I binged on Netflix a while ago. The Earth entered a war rendering the planet dangerous for human life. Some people escaped into outer space and lived as a society. The time came when they needed to see if they could return to Earth….was it safe yet? To test it out, they sent 100 people to “test it out”.

I have had to plan with my family, how I will keep them safe when I start traveling to different schools and working in person with kids who may or may not be wearing face coverings. To start, I have put together individual supply kits for each student, consisting of a folder, composition book, supply pouch, pencils, erasers, highlighters, and post it notes. Gone are my days of shared supplies… When I get home, I will head straight for the shower. I will keep a mask with me at all times, and put it on if I am in the same room as other family members. I will only be working with a total of 7 students in person. The largest group will be three. The thing is, they will be coming to me from different classrooms, so in a sense, meeting with them will have the potential of exposing me to about 360 people! Our district really didn’t try very hard to minimize risk with pods of students or staggered schedules. I just pray that I don’t bring anything home to my parents. My dad is extremely medically fragile, and my mom is feisty but does have various health issues. My teen is worried that I will die if I get it. That is all a lot to put on my family. I wish our state would have just followed the cdc guidelines and recommendations about opening schools. Our county transmission rate is around 30, meaning the daily average over four days, is 30 positive cases per 100,000 people. The recommendation is less than 10. We are far from that mark, and we will pay the price.