Begin Again

It’s been a really long time since I have added to my blog. My body, mind, and soul were spinning and drowning…hoping to someday be able to come up for air again! That day is here…..finally.

All of the weight I was carrying for my loved ones was further trampled upon by the domestic violence continuing court drama brought on by the dad. We separated 10 years ago, the divorce was final 8 years ago, and twice he has taken me to court to try to get “custody” of our two kids, who are now well into their teens. This week closed the latest chapter; a case he brought against me three years ago. I didn’t realize exactly how much this looming case was holding me down, until it was finally lifted. No more fight or flight mode everytime I get an email, wondering if it is my attorney telling me some new piece of crazy that came up….

I won’t go into much detail today, as the whole day would easily make a great stand up routine, short story, or novel.

As soon as we all got into place to begin the “trial”, the dad fired his attorney (I believe maybe the 8th in 3 years). The dad said that the attorney wasn’t prepared, but he was prepared to go forward representing himself. The judge tried to talk him out of it, with no success. The dad was spiffy, dressed in a nice suit, and carrying an old backgammon case as a briefcase. The trial went forward….

I watched with my gray rock poker face, as the hole he was digging got deeper and deeper. He had no witnesses that he had called, but rather, called the kids’ three therapists. They were actually on my side’s witness list, but that’s ok. He called me to the stand, and tried to trash me, with no luck. Finally, he took the stand and told his dad story, complete with tears on command. My attorney then cross examined him, and completely filled in the hole that had been dug. There was no way out.

In the end, the dad got nothing he asked for (unsupervised time with the kids), and was ordered to pay ALL my attorney fees and court related costs that have accumulated over the past three years of defending against this nothingness. I know this means I will probably be putting a lien on his farm, for him to always know that he did not destroy me as he wanted to.

My prayer over the last ten years, has been for God’s army of angels to go before me in battle, and help me through. The night before court, that prayer and vision once again entered my realm of vision, as I carried peace with me into the courtroom. One of the biggest lessons I have learned through this, is that you can’t fight hate with hate. Hate in the heart of a person, eventually consumes them, and they dig their own holes….tie their own nooses….

When it was over, as I turned to leave, I saw a couple who had been in the courtroom, waiting for their turn to talk with the judge about their parenting plan. The mom looked directly at me, gave me a smile and a thumbs up….there is hope.