I just learned a couple of hours ago that my ex- father-in-law passed away last night. I am both sad and angry. This was the dad’s step-father…..the most stable one in the group. The kids and I loved him….but he could not separate himself from the family abuse enough to have relationships with the grandkids, outside the abusive fold.
Once the dad started refusing to have visits with the kids, his parents, for whatever reason, also ghosted the kids.
I haven’t told Little AoA yet. She just ended a wonderful day of peace and mourning an adult friend who passed away a couple months ago. I don’t think she can emotionally handle one more thing right now.
I did tell the 15 year old, who is sad….but more fearful of seeing the dad. I asked if they wanted to attend the funeral…they do not want to risk running into the dad.
While I am very sad for this loss, I am also disappointed that the kids weren’t told that he was ill. They weren’t given the opportunity to say good-bye if they wanted to.
The relationship between grandparents and grandchildren is special. Divorce of parents should not prevent this relationship from growing. All it takes is a card now and then…maybe a phone call or text. A meal at a restaurant, or an ice cream date. The relationship is separate from that of the parents.
Why couldn’t he reach beyond the hate of the dad, and let the grandkids know that he loved them?
I pray for the kids to hold onto the good memories they have of their grandpa.