Give an Inch…

I learned yesterday that the dad wrote a letter to Brother’s therapist, insulting my parenting and trying to interfere with progress. I read the letter myself, and later asked for a copy. The therapist refused to give me a copy of the letter. I am at a loss as to why. In the past, with other therapists, letters have become part of the child’s file, which parents have a right to have. I am aware that my written communications with therapists become part of a file…how does this not apply to the dad?

I feel like some boundaries are being crossed. I can’t quite put my finger on it yet, but I will keep seeking. The dad has a history of interfering with the kids therapy, and is suppose to be limited to only being able to submit written requests for records. Brother’s current therapist took it upon himself to provide reunification therapy in order to get visits started up again after Brother’s breakdown. That goal has been met, and Brother is attending supervised visits.

I expect no less than to be torn apart by the ex…but the therapists office should remain a safe space for Brother, free from the dad’s negative influence. On the other hand, the therapist is getting to see first hand, some of the root of the problem.

The letter triggered me to some stored up sadness and feelings of inadequacy. Brother has always had anxiety and many characteristics of autism, but there was a time when it didn’t prevent him from trying things and participating in things that interested him outside of his computer. The dad brought up the things he did with Brother….over three years ago. The interesting thing is, it is Brother who has changed. I am still a very active parent, and when Brother is interested, he joins me. It seems that he is interested in concerts, photography, and vacations. He does go to weekly music lessons, where he is learning to play guitar and drums. He changed about the time he started into puberty, and had a psychotic break that landed him in a hospital treatment program for a short term.

The prognosis for Brother includes support well into adulthood. The progress is extremely slow. On top of everything else, he has now been diagnosed with selective mutism. As the healing has taken place, the layers of trauma have peeled back to reveal a young man who can not find the words to share his voice in public situations outside of family and very close acquaintances.

I have held a sadness for about a week now. I am hoping that something will touch my soul and ignite my passion soon.

~AoA